Sometimes God speaks quietly. And sometimes he uses a bullhorn. This was the first line of my devotional today:
“Entrust your loved ones to Me; release them into My protective care. They are much safer with Me than in your clinging hands.”–Sarah Young, Jesus Calling
Ironically, I mixed up my dates and read the wrong entry for today. But it was the one I needed. Today was the day I knew was coming when I edited “homeschool mom” out of my bio a few weeks ago. I dropped my oldest two kiddos off at school today.
I know that for lots of moms the first day of school is a great big party. And I get it–really. Going to the grocery store by yourself? Priceless. But even when you know a decision is right, there’s often a sense of loss when a door closes behind you. And today, yeah–it’s been all the feelings.
What if I didn’t teach them something? What if I’ve completely screwed them up forever and now they’re in school and everyone’s going to find out?!!!!
Ooohh. The house is quiet. Except for the jabbering four year old, but relatively quiet. This is nice.
I miss my babies! Is it 3:30 yet?
So munchkin is back in Mothers’ Day Out next week, and I could actually go the mall by myself. Maybe I should get a massage. Or a manicure. Or just book a whole week at the spa . . .
Pray for my husband, y’all.
Incidentally, these were the kids’ reviews:
“I made two new friends!”
“I loved it!”
“I got to sit next to my BFF!”
“I have a fun teacher, Mom.”
“We went to the library!”
“We went to P.E.!”
“We ate pizza!”
So yeah. They’re good. I know there’s going to be good days and bad days and just slog-through-it-because-you-have-to days, but they had a good first day. That’s what I’d prayed for. And the kid that I’d prayed would make one friend today made two. Our God who does abundantly beyond more than we could ask or think–that’s just kind of what he does.
The last few weeks as we’ve been gathering supplies and making plans, God’s been keeping up a quiet whisper in my ear. What was your word for the year again? Trust. Did you mean it?
And yeah–yeah, I did. But we all know trusting God with other people is a lot harder than trusting him with ourselves. Trusting that yes, he’ll speak to them and they’ll hear. Trusting that on the beat-up, broken-hearted days he’ll bind up their souls as he’s bound up yours. Trusting that when he promised his presence would go with you, he also meant it for them. Trusting that you’re not raising them to be safe; you’re raising them to be strong. And knowing that his strength is enough for both the gathering in and the letting go.
Today has felt like one of those youth group trust exercises. The kind where you lean back and fall, knowing in your head they’re going to catch you but still the tiniest bit afraid that you’re going to be the one that goes splat. But God’s mercies are new ever morning, and his faithfulness never fails. He’s got me. He’s got them. And he’s not going to let us down.
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