She was raped by her half-brother. She said no. She refused. She pleaded with him and tried to get him to see reason, but he was stronger than she was. After the rape, he kicked her out of his home and locked the door behind her. When her other brother heard what had happened, he vowed revenge. When her father heard of it, he was furious. But the authorities did nothing.
Her name was Tamar, and she was raped by her half-brother Amnon. Her father was King David.
Tamar’s story (2 Samuel 13:1-21) is woven of tragedy and suffering. If anyone in Israel could have hoped for justice for sexual assault, surely the king’s daughter could have. Her only hope for justice was her own father. Yet though David “was furious,” he did nothing. Scripture doesn’t say why. Perhaps it was that Tamar’s rapist was also David’s son and heir to the throne. Perhaps David thought that punishing Amnon might draw too much attention to his actions with Bathsheba. Perhaps it was simply that when it came to women, David failed to rise above the culture of his day. What we do know is that David’s inaction spared Amnon at Tamar’s expense. Tamar “lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman” (2 Samuel 13:29).
Tamar was on my mind as I read the tragic story in the Houston Chronicle about sexual abuse in the Southern Baptist Convention. The three-part series detailed story after story of how predators used their church positions to abuse victims, people in power looked the other way, and predators moved on to new churches to claim new victims. The reporters found 700 victims and 220 convictions. At least 35 pastors, church employees, and volunteers who exhibited predatory behavior were able to still move on and find new positions in churches. Tamar was in our churches, and we did nothing.
I’ve sat on this post the last several weeks, debating about whether I had anything substantive to add to the conversation. I was encouraged by SBC president J.D. Greer’s strong charge to the executive committee. I was also disheartened by the bylaw committee’s report. I hope that productive actions come out of the sexual abuse advisory committee and that this summer the convention enacts meaningful change.
I have come to some conclusions over the last weeks. I have little power to swing the decisions of our denomination. However, I do have power over my sphere of influence in our local church. That’s an influence we all share. For things to change, we need to use our influence in our churches to help them learn to respond compassionately, justly, and ethically to victims of sexual abuse–and to prevent abuse from taking place in our congregations. Here are three steps we can take to prevent abuse and respond appropriately to abuse in our churches.
- Develop a culture and systems that keep children safe. I’ve written before about the importance of having child protection policies in our churches. Failing to conduct background checks and properly train workers is negligence. We need to create a culture in our churches where children are safe and predators aren’t. Our state convention has a partnership with MinistrySafe. If your church needs help to develop a child protection policy, I’d start there.
- Educate ourselves on responding appropriately to abuse in our congregations. In my seminary education, I don’t recall any training on responding to abuse that went beyond reporting it to law enforcement. I believe that has been the common experience of many pastors and church leaders, and that is something that needs to change. We need to understand not only how to prevent abuse, but also how to respond actively to care for survivors when abuse does occur. I’m looking forward to seeing the new Becoming a Church that Cares Well for Abuse curriculum when it releases this summer. Developed in cooperation with the Ethics and Religious Liberty Convention, this curriculum is designed to help pastors and church leaders understand how to appropriately respond to abuse and offer care for victims. All six SBC seminaries have agreed to incorporate this course into their curriculum, and all the Baptist state conventions have agreed to integrate this course into their training. You can register at the Church Cares website to receive notifications when the course releases.
- Cultivate transparency. When abuse occurs in a congregation, there is often a knee-jerk response to keep things quiet and concealed. It doesn’t work, and the pressure to stay silent can further victimize survivors. While the need to release information must be balanced with protecting the privacy of survivors, our churches need to be informed if a member of the pastoral staff or a church volunteer has used their position as an opportunity for sexual abuse. We also need to accept that churches do not make good investigators. If abuse occurs in our congregations, in addition to reporting it to law enforcement, we also need to consider a third-party investigation to ascertain facts and evaluate behavior both of individuals and the organization. GRACE (Godly Response to Grace in a Christian Environment) offers this type of independent, third-party investigation to churches.
I wonder how many Tamars there are in our churches–women and children who have cried out in silence and were not heard. Let’s learn from David’s cautionary example. Be angry at injustice, yes, but don’t stop there. Protect victims. Prosecute offenders. Repent where our inaction–or betrayal–has caused victims further harm. And let it be known plainly and publicly that our churches will never be safe havens for those who would prey on the sheep.
Q: What is your church doing to prevent abuse and respond appropriately if abuse occurs?
2 comments
Good thoughts! Prayerfully this is getting enough attention throughout the Christian community to stop the abuse.
Very well said; I could not agree more.
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