Where do you find pastoral care when you’re married to the pastor–or you are the pastor? Who shepherds the shepherd?
Whether you’re married to the minister or on church staff yourself, the difficulty of finding pastoral care is one of the challenges of ministry life. Even when you have deep relationships with people within your church family, there are times you need your own soul shepherd. Here are five strategies to use to find pastoral care for ministry wives or women in ministry.
- Remember that Jesus is your Shepherd. I was at a conference breakout session for women in ministry where the speaker showed us an illustration of a lamb held in the arms of a shepherd. She asked if any of us saw ourselves as the sheep. There was silence, then everyone started nodding. It was a good reminder for me. When you’re constantly writing or teaching, it’s easy to fall into a pattern of reading Scripture for other people. How can I teach this passage? Oh, I should share this verse with her! That’s a perfect illustration–let me add it to my file. But Psalm 23 is in first person. The Lord is my Shepherd. Not your shepherd. Not their shepherd. My shepherd. Though I don’t think you have to draw a hard and fast line between lesson prep and your personal devotions, we need regular times of drawing aside and letting Christ shepherd our own souls.
- Connect with other women in ministry. I know this is easier said than done, but it’s worth making an effort. I have been blessed over the years by my relationships with other ministry wives. No one can laugh or cry with you like someone who has been there–and there’s no one better to encourage you than someone who walks in your shoes. If you’re not already part of a support network for ministry wives or women in ministry, check out Leading and Loving It or Pastor’s Wives Thriving in the Fishbowl. Both are great resources and opportunities for connection with other women in ministry.
- Read. I’m an avid reader, and I enjoy reading books from a variety of authors. But there are some books and authors I tend to come back to because they restore my soul. C.S. Lewis. A.W. Tozer. Oswald Chambers. Andrew Murray. Brother Lawrence. There are contemporary authors I read and follow, but there’s something special about books that have stood the test of time. Read books by dead people. Read books by people who have been at this ministry thing for a lifetime. Read well and deeply, and let yourself be shepherded by those who have gone before us.
- Find a getaway church. Sometimes it’s refreshing to sit in worship without any responsibilities. No list of announcements to remember, no five points and a poem to review, no list of people you need to talk to after the invitation. It can be difficult to get away on a Sunday morning, but look for other opportunities to worship. Watch your local event calendar for churches having special conferences or speakers. Find a Saturday night service. Join a Bible Study Fellowship group or a mid-week Bible study at another church.
- Take a spiritual retreat. Everyone needs off time, and ministry families need it too. Go rent a hotel room by your lonesome, or check out this list of retreat centers that provide free or discounted services for pastors and their families. There is something deeply restorative about being alone in a room with just you, your Bible, and God, knowing you can let the calendar slide for a couple days. Sleep when you need to. Take some walks in nature. Read your Bible, pray, and rest in the Lord’s presence. Practice some re-creation–participating in those activities that renew and refresh your soul. When I’m able to do this–maybe once or twice a year–I always come back with the sense that my soul has been tended.
Q: How do you find pastoral care as a woman in ministry?
15 comments
I have a woman pastor – and I can’t even begin to imagine what she goes through – but I pray for her
And praying for your pastor is so important. It really is.
exactly – who encourages the encourager? We need each other. I wish every single family would write a letter of encouragement to their pastor every single month. it’s not hard. just a few words would do worlds of good.
That would be great!
I like the tip about finding a getaway church. Great idea!
A PW friend advised me to do that several years ago. It’s been really helpful.
I have had a get away church for the past 12 years. It has been a life saver, literally and figuratively. I’m fortunate that I live in a large city and can go not as a PW, but as just myself. My husband and I have attended their Sat night services on occasion, and I go to their weekly women’s Bible study.
It’s a little harder for us to get away, but there are conferences pretty frequently at larger churches in the area. We try to take advantage of those and go, even if we’re just popping in for the worship.
I do all of these things. As a minister to women at a large church there are times when I just need some ministering laid on. Hearing from other speakers at an event, with just a couple close friends where I have no responsibilities is a good retreat for me. I can just take in the goodness of the Lord. It feels refreshing and fills me up.
We need those times when we can be ministered to. Glad you get those opportunities!
love the idea of a getaway church how creative and you are so right there is so much socializing and work in church that sometimes we do not get to just sit, relax and wonder
Leigh, this is so good and so needed. I loved what you said about reading the scripture and applying it to ME instead of thinking how can I teach this or who can I give this to. The Lord is MY Shepherd it home. Thanks.
That’s one I really have to watch myself on–it’s so easy to slip into “ooh, I should share this on Facebook” or “oh, this would be a great devotion.” I have to be intentional during my quiet time about letting the Lord shepherd me.
I can get caught up in writing a blog or editing a book, but I know I need to spend time with God, just me and Him, to deepen our relationship. What He teaches me usually goes into my writing later. But that time with Him is so refreshing. And restores sanity and perspective. I really like all your ideas, Leigh! I am not a pastor’s wife, but these are great tips for anyone ministering.
Leigh, Thank you for this poignant post. I have many friends who pastor. I pray for them and their family. I have hugged many a pastors wife as she cried. We as the congregation must stop putting expectations on them God would not put on them. When I am blessed to share or teach at a church I always encourage the ladies to pray for their pastor and serve in their church. One church I attended, the congregation paid for a get away every year for the pastor and his wife.
Comments are closed.