“He hit me!”
“She hit me first!!!”
No one has to teach us to get revenge. It’s born into us. We instinctively know that debts require payment. It’s justice. Yet our sin nature twists that desire so we look for payback instead of reparation. It’s not just that we want them to pay–we want to make them pay.
We want to punish them.
We want to hit back.
Forgiveness requires us to lay aside our right to revenge.
Two things are important to understand:
- Laying aside revenge does not mean we stop seeking justice. Forgiveness does not remove consequences. It does not mean that we don’t report a crime, decline to press charges, or refuse to testify in court. When a person’s actions have harmed us, themselves, or someone else, it is right for us to take the steps necessary so that their actions can be addressed by the appropriate authority. The difference is that we take action to protect others and do what is right–not because we want to do them wrong.
- Laying aside revenge also does not mean putting ourselves in vulnerable positions. Nothing in Scripture requires us to expose ourselves to harm. Laying aside revenge means trusting God to bring justice. It does not mean subjecting yourself to continued abuse.
Giving up our right to revenge means that we accept the sufficiency of the cross. Jesus death on the cross paid the price for all sin–my sin, your sin, and the sins people commit against us. Forgiveness means that we stop demanding repayment. Jesus’ payment is enough.
Relinquishing revenge also means recognizing that justice is God’s job, not our own. “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord” (Romans 12:19). Again, this doesn’t mean we don’t cooperate with the appropriate authority as needed to resolve the situation. Law enforcement, church discipline, and logical consequences are all tools God uses to bring about justice. Giving up revenge means that we trust God to be the just judge he has declared himself to be. We don’t personally have to extract our pound of flesh from people. God has declared that justice is his job. We can trust him to do it.
Giving up our right to revenge means that we stop looking for payback or ways to get even. That might mean:
- We stop fantasizing about giving someone the church-lady smackdown
- Refraining from gossip
- Not giving people the silent treatment or the cold shoulder
- Not attempting to get back at them or looking for ways to get even
- Recognizing our passive-aggressive behaviors for what they are and openly working through conflict
- Being honest with the appropriate people–not trashing them to your whole circle of acquaintances
As we look to God for our healing we also trust him to bring justice. We may have to cooperate in that process, but we recognize that justice is God’s job–not ours. Forgiveness means admitting that revenge is not ours to take.
This post has been part four of a five-part series on forgiveness.
- Acknowledge the pain.
- Invite Jesus in to heal.
- Ask God to help us see this situation and this person as he does.
- Relinquish our right to revenge and trust God to deal rightly.
- Pray blessings over the person who has hurt us.
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10 comments
working on the whole forgiveness thing every day
It’s comforting to remember that God fights for us, and forgiveness doesn’t mean that we quit seeking justice. It seems like forgiveness heals us, and allows God to care for our hearts, doesn’t it? I am so glad He is a Mighty Warrior and loving Father.
Yes, I think that’s it–forgiveness opens the door to healing so God can care for our hearts. We can trust God to bring justice.
Thank you, Leigh. I reposted on my site as it is a great follow-up to blogs I recently posted on forgiveness and revenge. Love your insights.
Thanks Carol!
Nice post, Leigh. I especially like your statement, “Giving up revenge means that we trust God to be the just judge he has declared himself to be.” So, so much comes back to trusting God. Do we find God trustworthy when emotions are high? Sometimes that’s a problem. Thanks.
Yes, when our emotions are high it’s hard to trust.That’s when I struggle the most and have to come back to what I know to be true regardless of what I see or feel. Thanks for sharing!
Oh wow this is a great series! Yes! I absolutely love your validation in that it doesn’t mean you don’t get justice, and it never means you make yourself vulnerable to harm. I think these two are important, because some people would twist forgiveness as a “let it go” excuse. You don’t stop defending yourself, you only allow another party to be responsible for exacting justice instead of taking the punishment into your own hands. Forgiveness frees you more than it will ever free them. Thanks for the series!
Thanks Maria! Yes, I think that’s one of the big misconceptions people have about forgiveness. It’s not just “letting it go”–it’s releasing it over to the Father so that he can bring justice and trusting that he will do it.
When I surrendered the anger, bitterness, and so many other emotions that came with my refusal to forgive, I realized that those emotions were destroying me. Once I gave the situation to God, He healed me and assured me that He was in control. I trust His justice, even though I might not see it in this life.
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